Welcome to my world

I’m going in deep right out of the gate. I’ve had thoughts about doing this for some time now, and just never to took action to make it a reality. Today is the day.

I’m a 55 year old contractor/drummer/husband/father/grandfather. This past weekend I cried harder than I have for 14 years. That occasion was the death of my father in law. This time it was for a person that I had never personally met. How does that happen?

In the winter of 1980, I was a sophomore in high school in Covina, Ca. Charter Oak High School. I had played snare drum with the Marching Band in the fall and was now getting my first taste of playing in the Jazz Band. Drum set! My parents rented a 5 piece Royce kit for $25 a month so I could practice at home.

I don’t remember the exact moment it happened… Whether a friend played it for me or if I heard it on the radio, but the song blew me away. “Spirit of the Radio”by Rush. The drumming was frantic and over the top. I was immediately hooked. I bought the album (cassette) Permanent Waves and played it incessantly. Then I bought the previous albums and proceeded to wear them out.

My teen age and young adult years were spent listening to this band. I’m the oldest of 6 children and my siblings listened to Rush. My mother listened to Rush. My father… not so much. My drums were set up in my room and I would play for hours.. until dad got home. He would suffer through it for a short time, then bang on the door.. “Ok! That’s enough!” Mom was never that way. Honestly I don’t know how she did it. I guess that is one of the virtues of a mother. Patience.

As a teenager, when I listened to the songs, I focused on the drums, paying no real attention to the lyrics. At some point early on, I read in the liner notes that Neil Peart wrote the lyrics. At that point I actually thought he sang too! Back then we didn’t have the ability to push a couple of buttons on a hand held device and watch a video, so until I was corrected I figured him as the vocalist. It’s funny how a young mind, with no experience, works.

For the next 32 years, I purchased every Rush album as soon as it came out. I became intimately familiar with all of their music. As I matured, I started to really listen to the lyrics. My love for the band expanded as I realized that it wasn’t just Rock n Roll. There was something with substance in there. Philosophy, love, family, history, tragedy… all penned with precision by a drummer from Toronto. At a recent gig of mine, as we were tearing down our equipment, a DJ rolled his equipment in and immediately the bass thumping began. Almost every song had the same subject. Genitalia, sex acts and an incessant use of the N word. It is a shame that much of the youngest generation are so deprived…

My children grew up listening to Rush. I vividly remember my son, probably around 10 years old, singing to “Speed of Love”. That is what they heard if they were with dad. When my two daughters got married and we had our father/daughter dance, both of them arranged to have the DJ cut to a Rush song part way through.

Rush has been the soundtrack to my life for the past 40 years. I own 5 replica snare drums from the last 15 years of Neil’s career. Rush is a part of me.

Last Friday afternoon at 2:11, I was loading my drums up to go to a gig. My phone chirped with a message from a friend in Canada. “Dude” “What the F@#K?” I asked what was wrong. “Neil’s dead”. “No way” I typed. I hit the google search and found nothing. I ran into the house, sat down at the computer and tried again. There it was.. Articles were coming in from different sources. He had passed the previous Tues, Jan 7. He had been fighting brain cancer. I walked out to the living room, sat on the couch and just stared at the blank tv screen on the wall.

If it would have been a family member or dear friend, I don’t think it would have hit me any harder. The gig that night was difficult at times. I decided to play the one snare that I had never played. R40. The replica of the drum from the bands final tour.

It’s been a tough weekend. There were times when the reality hit me and I would lose control for a few moments. My Facebook feed is full of drumming friends, which turns into hundreds of posts about Neil. That has actually been very therapeutic. Reading others thoughts, that mimic mine is soothing. Bits of information are coming in from his small circle of friends. He was an intensely private man. He did not like the Limelight at all… He did not think of himself as anyone important. He was, indeed, important to hundreds of thousands of drummers and other musicians though.

I know that in the coming days more and more information will come out from those that were a close part of his life. One positive out of this tragedy, is that there is so much that he left for us to remember him by.

I am so grateful that as a 15 year old boy, I heard “Spirit of the Radio”. I am grateful to have had this mentor whom I never met be such a strong force in my life for 40 years.

A line from my favorite Rush song called “The Garden” Ironically it is the last song on the last album the band recorded. An absolute musical tour de force.

“The treasure of a life is a measure of love and respect.. the way you live, the gifts that you give… In the fullness of time.. it’s the only return that you expect. The future disappears into memory… With only a moment between… Forever dwells in that moment… Hope is what remains to be seen…”

Neil Peart… The way you lived your life has earned you enough love and respect for 100 life times.