I cried. I didn’t just tear up, I openly wept…
At a Rock n Roll concert. How does that happen to a 61 year old man?
Jan 10, 2020 was an especially hard day for me. I was packing my gear for a gig and got a message from a friend that my drumming hero, Neil Peart had passed away from brain cancer. One of the most brilliant and literate minds in rock music was taken as his brain was slowly overtaken by a tumor. Life felt so unfair for him to go through that. Especially after he had endured loosing his wife and daughter in the space of 10 months years earlier. I mourned deeper than I had for some family members. That felt wrong, since I had never met the man, but I couldn’t explain it.. and I couldn’t change it. I wrote about my feelings a couple of days later and that can be found on this page.
Over time, as happens when we lose someone, the sting begins to hurt less. We settle into a rhythm of new normal… never forgetting the ones that we lose, but placing them in a different, guarded part of our minds.
Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson emphatically stated from the beginning that Rush would no longer exist without their brother. It was a choice I respected and even hoped for. It didn’t seem right for them to continue. When John Bonham died, so did Led Zeppelin.
Over the past 6 years, hearing certain songs by Rush still cause a lump in my throat.
In late summer of 2022, Geddy and Alex played a couple of songs together with different drummers as part of 2 tribute shows for Taylor Hawkins, the drummer for The Foo Fighters. It was good to see them on stage enjoying what they love.
On Oct 6, 2025 they dropped a video of them jamming together and announced that they once again would hit the road as Rush. This would be a tribute to their brother Neil. They announced that they had chosen Anika Nilles, a 43 year old drummer from Germany. She had toured with Jeff Beck before his passing and Geddy’s bass tech was a part of that tour. He had watched her up close and knew that she would be up for the task. Filling the throne of Neil Peart would be one of the most coveted jobs in music, but also one of the most daunting. The immense pressure that would come from fans, especially drummers, would be overwhelming. The guys spoke to Anika and she seemed up to the task. She wasn’t a fan of the band, so only had a heard a few of the more popular songs. She went to work.
Tickets for this tour are costly, which isn’t limited to just Rush these days. Most live concerts from top bands will set you back more than ever before. Because of streaming, record sales have plummeted, so live shows are how the musicians make the bulk of their income. Immediately, people began to lament that this was a massive money grab for Geddy and Alex. If you understood the mind of a musician, you would understand that this is flawed logic. These guys NEED to play. It’s in their DNA. Ringo Starr is 86 years old and worth 350 million dollars. He doesn’t need the money, yet he still tours. He HAS to. The guys in Rush don’t need the money, they need to perform for an audience.
When tickets went on sale for the first batch of shows, I immediately bought them for 3 shows. LA, Dallas and Madison Square Garden. Being a drummer, I was fully aware of Anika and her ability, having watched her videos for numerous years. I had no doubt that the girl was up to the task. Later, another round of shows were added and Phoenix made the cut, so it was a no brainer to see both shows here in my home town.
There are dozens of Rush tribute bands throughout North America. Many replicate the band note for note. Especially the drummers. Meticulous care goes into reproducing the drum parts exactly. So many of those parts play an integral part of the music and need to be there for the songs to “feel right”.
June 7, 2026 was the first show in the opening city of Los Angeles. The band didn’t chose that location on a whim. The last show they ever played was at the Forum in Los Angeles… Eleven years ago. Neil walked out front with the guys to bid farewell… a move that he had never made, always retreating back stage and quickly leaving the venue. It was a signal that he truly was done. He was going to be a full time father and husband. The travesty that would hit him a couple years later sealed that decision forever.
My first show was June 9. They opened with Xanadu, originally recorded in 1977. It’s an 11 minute song that combines a 5 minute instrumental and then moves into a lyrical story.
The stage set up, with high definition screens, and lighting was amazing. The band sounded as good or better than ever. Anika crushed it.
I cried. I didn’t just tear up, I openly wept…
I had had lived with the fact that seeing this band live would always be a part of my past. I had accepted that. What I was witnessing was far beyond surreal.
After the song was over, my friend John, who was sitting to my left, looked at me and said “are you crying?”. I shook my head to the affirmative. He understood.
After coming home from Los Angeles, I bought tickets for my 6th show, San Antonio, Texas. I am taking my youngest daughter Courtnie, who went with me twice as a teenager. She is now a 33 year old mother of two.
I also bought 3 tickets for Denver. My son went with me to a show at the Hollywood Bowl in 2007 as a teenager. My Brother Robert went with me to 2 shows in the 1990’s. We’ll go together this October.
How is it that a 61 year old man could cry at a concert of loud music?
I believe that music is the most powerful form of communication to the human race. In many cases it transcends language. Emotions can be brought to the surface by hearing the combination of just a few notes. Many times in our lives, we feel goosebumps when we hear a particular piece of music. A song can take us back decades to a specific event that it is tied to… every time we hear that song.
Rush has been the soundtrack to my life, and I feel blessed to be able to experience those feelings again. I am going to make the most of what I consider to be a gift and soak in every moment I can.